Yesterday I cried.

I cried in front of Yeifrey and Achuchu . . . and a couple of others who didn't really seem to care as much.

I cried because I was frustrated. I cried because I had an agenda to complete and because they just wouldn't listen. I cried because all I want to do is teach them, and because I didn't know what to do to make it happen.

Achuchu tried to wipe my tear for me. At least I know why I love those kids.

Today, I went home early and didn't deal with it at all, but tomorrow is another day. And there will be an agenda.

The question is, who's agenda will I be working to complete?

". . . We tend to live under two agendas; ours and God's, and . . . the tension between them sets up stress." Jerry Bridges

That's what I feel during center time - the stress between my agenda for what should happen and God's sovereignly orchestrated agenda for what should happen for the good of me and my students. I do believe He is sovereign, but I often forget to consider the fact that His agenda might be different than mine.

So, Lord, I have a twofold prayer tonight.

First, help me to submit my agenda to Your perfect will. If You will, I will live and do this or that. If You say that math needs to take a backseat to discipline, then so be it. I want to be a part of what You are doing in their lives, so make me useable.

Second, help me to find favor with my students. If You will it, move their hearts so that they have the desire to listen when I teach and obey when I discipline. Help me to make it clear to them that I am disciplining them because I love them. Please restrain me from disciplining in anger or frustration. Help me to be consistent. But, more than all this, I want to find favor with them. Move them to obey, and work in their lives as they learn to control themselves. Restrain their hands from hitting one another. Restrain their mouths from saying things that are unkind or inappropriate.

Lord, I want them to know You - not just to know of You. I want them to love You and know that they are loved by You. Use me, please. God, work You agenda, and please, let me be a part of it.

Save them.

Because I can't.

~~Knowing How Way Leads on to Way, I Doubted if I Should Ever Go Back~~